Friday, October 3

Philosophical Friday - I LOVE YOU

I often wonder if my children and my husband know just how much they mean to me. If I was to die tomorrow how would they remember me? Rich and I disagree on how much we should tell each other, "I love you." He believes that I should already know how much he loves me, so telling me every time we get off the phone is unnecessary. I, personally, can't hear those words enough. Still gives me butterflies to hear him tell me that he loves me, for no reason. If he were to get in a car accident on his way home today I would be so sad that I didn't get to hear him say I love you just 1 more time. I know he loves me, but honestly sometimes I can't recall the last time he said it.

Sometimes my 5 year old presses my buttons, ok, more than sometimes, and I don't know if I am telling him how much I love him as much as I am telling him to stop talking so much and to quit being mean to his brother. (Wow was that a run on sentence or what?!) He is my first born and we will always have a special bond. I was pretty much a single mother for the first year of his life. He depended on me for everything. He was, still is, so sweet and kind hearted. I just feel like I'm always on his case. So if I died tomorrow would he remember the stories I read to him. Our snuggle times. Or will he think of me as the mean mommy who was always nit picking him? Do I tell him I love him enough?

My greatest fear is losing another child. Losing Gracie was hard but not unbearable since I had not yet made memories with her. I did not know her personality. I honestly think I would die if I lost anymore children. My mom used to tell me that if my brother or I were to die to put her in the casket with us. Now I know why. Sometimes when I'm laying in bed at night thinking I start imagining these horrible "what if" occurrences. "What if the house catches fire tonight? Will I get to the kids in time? Will I be able to save both or will I have to choose just one?" ACK! It takes my breath away and makes me so ill and sad.

I don't know why I'm blogging about death. It really was only supposed to be about telling the ones you love just how much you really love them and are grateful they are a part of your life. So to those reading this...How often do you tell the ones you love just how important they are to you? If you died tomorrow...would they already know?

Yea so I made up my own "meme" LOL. Well at least I think I did.
-I have googled it and it's official, I did not make up my own meme, LOL.


Jess said...

I LOVE YOU!!!!! hehe!!!! You already know that though...

Virginia said...

Great blog! We have grown up saying/ hearing "I love you" every other sentence- ok I am elaborating but wayyy a lot! I don't like hearing it so much because I feel it loses it's landing in a way! I do tell my kiddos constantly that I adore them or I Love them. They even say it when they play pretend! I never want those words to lose their power with them!